The lamp at the door

Dear reader: This is experience #11. If you want to read them in sequence, scroll down to the bottom and read up.

I experience an unmoving continuum of pure silence within all points of knowledge;
this pervading universality is the experience of the transformations of self-awareness
in reference to wholeness. A continuity of self-wakefulness that pervades all changing
experience is the means by which I am whole. This personal, spontaneous balancing act
of consciousness is like a universal ceremony, where I get to enjoy the multi-layered
process and at the same time be the wonderful tingle in the hum of wholeness.
Each layer of unfoldment is an added layer of simplicity expressing a greater and
greater wholeness. My heart, flooding with the love of understanding, pieces together
more and more joy until even universal love is my personal experience. All this is contained in
the concentrated smallness of my heart, which is somehow perfectly positioned to hold
unbounded silence and universal creation forever as the fullness of my heart.
The stirring of my heart is experienced as the movement of pure knowledge where
understanding and its own movements are clearly indistinguishable from pure bliss,
indistinguishable from wholeness; along with the perfect oneness of the total togetherness
of the sounds and sights of daily life. I am resting as a pure transparency of awareness,
as all memory in a center appreciated in perfect balance. This point of balance is held
central and located absolutely unmoving by the structure of all sounds and all forms. A
clarity of awareness locates unbounded balance as the whole nature of my awareness.
Its interesting to note that the crystalline fullness of emptiness, the pure silence
of unbounded awareness only becomes fuller and clearer when any specific point of
awareness catches my attention and shines and percolates as the expression of this
wholeness. The intensified points of knowledge-filled light and light-filled forms act
like beacons that reveal and clothe more and more specificity with Absoluteness; there
Absolute awareness itself finds a perfect conduit in pure individual wakefulness to
remain whole within the dynamics and expressions of its own, my own fullness.
The simpler and simpler nature of my unfolding experience is made more and
more tangible and is brought about by the increasing awareness of connectedness within
greater and greater complexity. This connectedness, this all togetherness, this heart-felt
center of the layers of my experience within the very dynamics of their own complexity
is the final home of all awareness.
The “lamp at the door” is a perfect description of the concentrated point of my consciousness
that not only intuits but sees both its own
Absoluteness and the expressions of that Absoluteness. “Standing at the door” locates
my Absolute, cosmic, divine and individual experience in my heart and illuminates pure
knowledge as the totality of my existence.
I Absolutely adore knowledge, because from within its own point and points of
unbounded silence and activity nothing is excluded. This quality of all-inclusiveness
creates a wonderful, permanent, and divine home for the heart, mind and body.
I function from within this state that has no layers, no activity whatsoever; yet, even
the appearance of layers has become tangible as the defining organization of wholeness.
Everything in creation is eternally shaking hands with everything else and this experience
is centered in my heart and in every living being throughout creation as wholeness.
Sitting in complete stillness in a dynamic, cosmic home, I am surrounded by the
multi-layered activity of nature. I can hear and see from this central location a pure,
unbounded clarity, with golden, radiant colors and unfathomable forms, infinitely circling
a cosmic heaven of pure structure, pure love, around which the universe pulses as the
layers of celestial, cosmic and material life. A home in fullness that eternally hums and
this hum has in it the knowledge of all silence and of all form, all consciousness and all
matter.
I have become habituated to this unboundedness that is hollow within all points, that
has a center within a center, that is a point of personal experience that knows and sees
wholeness.
If I look at a landscape inherent in that looking is the knowledge of what I see,
I don’t have to consciously think that I see the trees or grass. And further, if I was an
expert on trees, I would not only see what everyone sees but in addition a layer of
understanding would be added to the beauty of the experience. In this same way I can
see and appreciate the geography of my personal, divine, and cosmic existence floating
as the waves on and as the ocean of my pure awareness. The tangible nature of this
experience reveals its own structure as knowledge. In the structure of the experience,
both understanding and experience tickle each other into the awakening experience of
wholeness.
Recently, I experienced a junction point where all the senses
were so close to each other that I could see their interconnected structure. There, I could
see with my sense off touch, hear with my sense of sight, all the senses were inter-
changeable. They were all suffused with an over- arching knowledge that allowed them
to stay differentiated while being appreciated as streams of pure and specific knowledge.
I could see the movement of the senses as specific ripples through the abstract field of
consciousness. They stirred the crystalline purity of my silent heart into specificity, but it
was really the other way around: consciousness itself was stirring its own structure, while
all the while remaining nothing but the heavenly heart of wholeness.
A pure golden drop of invincible purity radiating indescribable energy and power,
eternally generating itself as creation is centered in my heart. This point of adamantine
structure is connected to and actually is the pulsing dynamic of universal events. This
home of all homes is where I find my consciousness located, where I find my whole life
located.
I can see this center, with divine eyes, full of self-luminant beings. I can hear this
center with divine ears full of joyous knowledge. I am this divinity that has subtle
functioning senses, that is also a grand cosmic being; both of these personifications of
wholeness are located in the unbounded center of my heart.
This wonderful point of delightful divinity is the door through which I experience
wholeness. Looking directly at this point I curve back into Absolute fullness, while
remaining this infinitely small point of infinity. Pure love radiates like a cosmic sun
sounding into existence, while I, imperishably immovable, am grounded, held in place,
as the center of this experience by the knowledge and activity of the first and last
primordial being.

The point of unbounded awareness

I experience one, central, all-inclusive point of consciousness that vibrates at almost infinite
frequency. This unbounded vibration enables one iota of self-awareness to be connected
to the infinity of points that comprise wholeness. Both remain whole, and awake as my own
awareness, through the inter-connected dynamics of their infinite exchange, their mutually inclusive
activity. The relationship, this swap of infinity with its point, each found fully in the other, is how
wholeness remains whole in my consciousness.
This point of silence is my attention at its most concentrated; there everything is revealed as
whole. The activity between the point and its own unbounded value is the complete structure of
wholeness. Awake as wholeness, I breathe as a point of wholeness in relation to infinite points of
wholeness, in a field of absolute stillness.
My awareness buzzes in wholeness. All the points together expose a structure, a symmetry,
a harmony to my life, where my thoughts, feelings, senses, and body function as and within that
structure as the point and points of pure awareness in their specific motions. If I look within one
concentrated shimmering speck of pure awareness, I see, with the entire range of the knowledge
within sight and sound, an infinity of vibrating, golden, multi-colored, rapidly pulsing webs
of structured knowledge. This knowledge has found its way even to the surface value of my
awareness.
A fire of sounding forms, a togetherness of unbounded joy is pre-arranged as my eternal
experience, with my physical body as its most expressed value. In this experience I can see another
physical structure that is more far more subtle, vibrating within my physical body that is more
fluid and powerful. And within this awareness is another boundless, still more subtle, harmonious,
arrangement of pure white light that flows as an absolute yet clearly defined form in an undefined
field of pure abstraction; altogether one holistic continuum of layers of physicality as pure
knowledge, where my senses are participants in and as these layers. For instance, my sense of
sight, while observing the activity of surface life, is simultaneously also seeing and is engaged
in these subtle structures of my experience, that extend deep into the dynamics of the point in
relation to unbounded awareness. It is on the quietest level of absolute stillness where I experience
impulses of knowledge that are known and seen as personifications of absoluteness. This wonderful
togetherness of pure experience with pure understanding creates a delightful, living reality of
wholeness.
A point and the unboundedness of silence maintain themselves on all levels and details of
my experience: self-awareness of the point, self-awareness of the relationship and self-awareness
of the whole. The Absolute as the motion of my experience is a vast collection of concentrated
points within a point, plowing through its own unbounded field as the structure of the field. The
very movement of wholeness is and reveals the non-movement of my consciousness, and this non-
movement is an established stillness that by its very nature allows awareness to be subtle enough to
experience itself as whole.

The structure of love

Something delightful has happened to my awareness. Even though I have been
experiencing this new phenomenon for a very long time, somehow a new grand
element or realization has been added. Almost as if the long passage of time itself has
precipitated an unexpected reality of awareness. A great secret has ceased to be a secret
and blossomed into conscious awareness.
Knowledge itself is not only a personal affair but is actually a universal reality that is
naturally pushing its own unfoldment into concrete expression. The pieces of knowledge
have fallen into place and found their consummation in the connected totality of their
oneness. And this great unbounded singularity is actually an infinite number of parts,
layers, heavens, and universes all comprising, structuring, and defining the one grand
unbounded Absolute that is able to move as its own absoluteness as my consciousness.
And I, caught as it were in the great sweep of infinity on the move, pure bliss in
motion, pure knowledge shimmering, revealing even matter as that wholeness, am that
utter stillness that is incarnate in everything moving. And quite suddenly the sum total of
it all gets added up, makes sense and is realized as all whole.
The entire realization and experience is that my body is both silent and moving
just like pure awareness, no different, all just one great knowledge. It ultimately takes a
physical body to realize wholeness, to find a fuller, more tangible range of consciousness.
Pure consciousness dwelling in its home, the body dwelling in consciousness altogether
whole.
But the real surprise was: not only is my heart the shining the center of divine,
Cosmic, and terrestrial experience, I began to clearly experience other hearts in the
same way. This multiple experience of the other points, other hearts shimmering in and as
a field of pure abstraction created an extraordinary increase in my clarity, understanding.
Not being the lone point in a cosmic ocean of reality had an enormous
effect on my awareness. In the same way that the celestial regions and their inhabitants
are part of my awareness, my family and friends began to be seen as points of liveliness
in pure awareness. Consciousness stopped being just my individual consciousness and
I began to know and actually see the tangible, expanding, and holistic influence that my
family, friends, and community had within the very structure of my awareness.
My heart began to blaze so brightly that even my physical movements were seen
as the point and points of brilliant light moving within celestial, universal, and absolute
effulgence. And everything more tangible or expressed simply was found as a tracing
on or a layer of that clarity. This universal light that is now the essence of pure love is
absolutely still yet functions as the sum total of the points of individual love and is so
intense that I can hardly stand it at times.
Its really the very best found secret of all: God’s unbounded love radiates
as individual love, grounded in my heart, everyone’s heart. This point of all hearts is
centered in my awareness so concretely that I can feel and see the structure of individual
love in the fabric of universal wholeness. Love gives a delicate wonderful softly binding
thickness to my awareness that I feel as I move through it both with my heart and my
body with my senses coming along for the ride. Pure knowledge active in its own
structure finds its liveliness throughout pure joy, and pure joy finds its fullness in pure
knowledge.
Imagine knowing, seeing, moving through a field, a divine home of personal
awareness that constantly, knowingly radiates knowledge-filled, bliss-filled, physicality
on its own structure of unbounded, Absolutely silent infinity. Then imagine the universe,
divine and earthly, sweeten it with unbounded knowing and pure bliss, add God and the
gods, discover it in your own eternal secret pulsing heart, and finally realize that this

experience is just and only what I, you, and everyone deserves.

Stillness Stirs

How quiet I am. More quiet than sound. Brighter than light. Softer than touch. The first
move not yet begun, yet heaven’s radiance is already pulsing in sweeps of daily life. Like the sun,
a blazing point of the sky, my heart is a blazing point of wholeness, where all the points serve to
establish and locate the wholeness of my consciousness.
Before thought I am pure sound. Before sight I am pure beauty. Before touch I am pure
form. All so absolutely still that stillness must stir. The empty Absolute flatness naturally has
clothed itself with splendor and has become the wholeness of my consciousness. I am a central
furnace of pure energy establishing heaven’s glory as my heart, as my mind, as my body, and as
my environment.
The Absolute, the glorious center of universal and personal events, sits supreme as
my heart—everyone’s heart—in pristine stillness. From there, the pure light of consciousness—
of God—radiates the luminous essence of structure all around me, in perfect balance, humming
as knowledge, vibrating to form. I am rimmed in the majesty of absolute consciousness, an
unshakable silence that shimmers as creation. Cosmic love has condensed into my awareness
as golden grains of sparkling knowing. Pure awareness is an unspent unbounded point, eternally
awake, infinitely expanded, with the gods hand in hand in wonderful proximity, circling, singing
heaven, as my heart.
Today, as on other days, I noticed that I was surrounded by a thickness of delicate, yet obvious pure
soft white light in the shape of a radiating circle. This
field of conscious knowledge, which extended around me, had a clear tangible form and location,
and this form of pure structure moved with my body through an even more subtle ocean of
awareness, like a river churning through an ocean. Neither field merging into the other, both
maintaining their eternal status as wholeness. Neither field affected by anything whatsoever. One
totally unbounded silence; the other, a resilient, brilliant container of unbounded knowledge and
energy: delightful, effulgent soft showering points of wholeness moving in their own totality
of wholeness, a point within infinite points, of individual joy in absolute joy.
I also noted that I was aware of, and looking at, and understanding this experience from
within the experience itself, knowing both from within the pure unbounded field, as well as from
within its localization: pure and expressed knowledge as one continuum of the knower, always
together, always whole.
Within this experience is the knowledge of the relationship of pure knowledge to
expressed knowledge: how the Absolute can move as its own structure, within the dynamics
of my own self-awareness. My knowledge has become pervasive enough that it is perpetually
appreciated as the non-movement and the movement of pure consciousness—knowledge all the
way to a point, all the way to unboundedness. I experience that pure wakefulness itself—just
the pure experience of wholeness itself—is actually its first and only move. Wholeness is only
experienced holistically.
In the process of awakening to wholeness nothing ultimately got subtracted. It was a
purely additive process. This was actually my whole realization: that everything is whole, is
actually nothing but consciousness—my consciousness. This understanding opened the doors
of my perception and nudged my heart, mind, body, environment, and the subtle and cosmic
areas of creation into the wide-open state of my awareness, all-existing fully realized together in
oneness.
When enough layers of knowledge and perception remained permanently open to my
awareness, (when I fundamentally no longer dipped in and out of any experiences) then, at one
point, first, a sort of knowingness of wholeness dawned abstractly, then more and more clarity
within the details of its organization and structure unfolded within the various layers of my
awareness. An undeniable, all-inclusive, sparkling bliss of knowingness became an ever-present
bubbling of my heart, of my mind, and of my senses, automatically projecting pure experience
and knowledge as my environment near and far, divine and cosmic. I am now surrounded by a
divine, celestial crowd of expressed silence, while understanding naturally percolates and is seen
as more and more of these expressed manifestations of the Absolute.

Impulses and Layers of the Absolute

Wholeness, beckoning wholeness, invites itself to move in waves of knowledge. This kind of motion happens only within the Absolute, where the entire universe is suspended as cosmic Self-awareness in its own Absolute space. It happens only by virtue of the entire hierarchy of personal and universal experience, all the way to almighty God, who of course is the personification of the Absolute in motion, thus creating the possibility and the cosmic structure for me and for everyone to partake of this kind of knowledge and movement.
I see the Absolute, even though frozen in eternal silence, moving as the Knower, which moves as infinite unknowing to infinite knowing, forever on the move, forever silent.
When the dynamics of the part don’t obscure the whole, then that pure knowing that is the motion of the silence and also is the silence of the motion is established. When wholeness is lively enough in its silence, the whole show is exposed, transparent to itself. This state is beyond even self-luminous light and reveals and is everything.
Silence establishes and maintains itself through its own structuring dynamics. I experience an all-pervading gap of pure stillness within all movement. Constantly percolating, pure awareness fills all gaps with the structure of my own wholeness. I am an all-comprehending, all- seeing, unbounded, open gap of infinite silence in infinite motion.
My understanding reaches to the Absolute, my sight reaches to the Absolute, my senses reach to the Absolute; the Absolute reaches to me, and is my awareness. I understand, see and function from within this state that has no layers, no activity whatsoever. Yet, even the appearance of layers has become tangible as the defining organization of wholeness. Everything in creation is eternally shaking hands with everything else, and this experience is centered in me and in every living being throughout creation as wholeness.
Sitting in complete stillness in a cosmic home, I am surrounded by the layered activity of nature. I can hear and see from this central location a pure, unbounded whiteness with radiant colors and forms infinitely circling, a cosmic heaven of pure structure, pure love, around which the universe pulses as the layers of celestial, cosmic and material life. It is a home in fullness that eternally hums, and this hum has in it the knowledge of all silence and all form, all consciousness and all matter.
I am habituated to this unboundedness that is hollow within all points, to this fullness that has a center, a point of personal experience that knows and sees wholeness; it has allowed me to resonate as knowledge throughout the single, yet layered activity of Absolute existence.
If I look at a landscape, inherent in that looking is the knowledge of what I see. I don’t have to consciously think that I see the trees or grass. However, if I were an expert on trees, then I would not only see what everyone sees, but in addition a layer of understanding would be added to the beauty of the experience. In this same way I can see and appreciate the geography of my personal, divine, and cosmic existence floating as the waves on and as the ocean of my pure awareness. The clarity of this experience reveals its own structure as knowledge. The understanding also reveals the structure of the experience, both tickling each other into the awakening experience of wholeness.
Today, I experienced a junction point where all the senses were so close to each other that I could see their interconnected structure. There, I could see with my sense of touch, hear with my sense of sight, all the senses were interchangeable. They were all suffused with an over- arching knowledge that allowed them to stay differentiated while being streams of pure and specific knowledge. I could see the movement of the senses through the abstract field of consciousness. They stirred the crystalline purity of silence into specificity, but it was really the other way around: my consciousness itself was stirring its own structure, while all the while remaining nothing but wholeness.
A pure golden drop of invincible purity radiating indescribable energy and power, eternally generating itself as creation, is centered in my heart. This point of adamantine structure is connected to and actually is the dynamic of all universal events. This home of all homes is where I find my consciousness, located where I find my whole life located.
I can see this center, with divine eyes, full of self-luminous beings. I can hear this center with divine ears full of joyous knowledge. This divinity that has subtle functioning senses, a grand, beautiful form, and this form is located in the unbounded center of this heart.
This wonderful point of delightful divinity is the door through which I experience wholeness. Pure love radiates like a cosmic sun sounding into existence, while I, imperishably immovable, am grounded in the center of this experience as the first primordial being.

Omnipresence

I am solidly aware of a supreme, enlivened middle ground where my consciousness finds its awakened state as the fullness of both my Absolute silence and the sum total of all of my mental and physical activity. It is altogether a collection of differences so solidly whole and so transparently knowledgeable that questions and answers simply have their activity embedded within the structure of this unified state. And because I experience my physical body mirroring both the structures and forms of nature near and far, I am aware of this whole range of knowledge very personally.
Every thought I have, every experience, feeling, perception, the body, and the environment are all experienced in a bottomless, surfaceless conscious togetherness of total universal clarity.
Using meditation over time and integrating its results, as well as quietly thinking and simply moving through daily life, have developed a state of knowledge that simply does not move, yet accepts all movements of the mind, body and senses as conscious waves of this knowledge. I am expanded, knowingly, mentally and with senses wide awake throughout terrestrial, divine and cosmic space, uniformly and unboundedly whole. This knowledge is finding a permanent home, a divinely inspired Absolute space in my mind and body.
As I became aware and saw that even my body is divine and is actually the very structure of wholeness, the cosmic landscape of divinity, I realized that my body, like my heart and mind, has no need to go where it is already located. The boundaries between consciousness and physical structures on the level of self-awareness, understanding and the subtle senses, has dissolved. Even boundaries within themselves constitute the whole range of my consciousness. I, the knower, am uniformly present everywhere because everywhere is open to my awareness. This feeling, understanding, and subtle sight has moved the whole sphere of cosmic and divine activity into actuality in my daily life, where seeing is truly believing, where the body and all its layers are co-experiencers and knowers of wholeness.
My experiences, however divine, however grand, however small, are all joined together from within themselves, and from within the gaps between them, by a sublimely pervasive awareness, a dynamic welling of pure energy that renders all highs and lows part of my very own unfluctuating totality.
My experience has become truly simple, so exquisitely still, that I know and perceive the sound of knowledge as being as whole as my awareness. This experience as if hears with the ears of wholeness and as if sees with the eyes of wholeness, and yet it is still my individual self that is having the experience.
Unmoving, Absolute consciousness, an eternally silent unbounded container of emptiness, is suffused by, full of, actualized as, and appreciated by my own totality of self-illuminating awareness. This experience is so like the transcendent that it is able to be the transcendent even in the active fullness of my awareness. Every sense is individually and uniformly located as wholeness. For instance, if I put my attention on the sense of touch, then pure knowingness, along with all my other senses and my whole body, recognize themselves as connected and whole. My body feels and looks like pure knowledge to my awareness; the sum total of its activity is the sum total of a pervasive totality. I guess this sounds very grand (and it is), but it is just as natural as a beautiful day, which I simply, effortlessly move through.
When I sit listening to chanting, I experience that these wonderful sounds of truth are the same sounds, the same knowledge that upholds my body and its connectedness to divine levels of nature. I feel, know, and see an exquisite ocean of clarity, vibrating with personified divine life, all the wonderful heavens co-existing within my unbounded consciousness. I experience these heavens of awareness very clearly because I am spread throughout this divine landscape as its all- pervading wholeness, structure, and knowledge. The chanting is so pure, so clear, and so enlivening that even though others are chanting, I also experience that resonating from within my own consciousness, from within my own body; these sounds of nature are finding their source, their manifest forms and their eternal expressions.

My personal space: landscape of the Absolute

I experience the movements of my mind and body as Absolutes from within an all-encompassing wholeness. Everything is contained in this Absolute space, in this totality that is Absolute understanding, Absolute hearing and Absolute sight. Open within this structure I can discern the Absolute, the relative, and the relationship between them. This relationship renders all differences wholistic. My heart, mind, body, and environment are my characteristics of the Absolute functioning as consciousness. This relationship that contains both the unbounded Absolute and the unbounded relative is the unbounded knower; it is my awareness; it is my knowledge. I experience that my awareness has expanded sequentially from this gap of Absolute awareness. Each layer’s clarity and structure automatically creates a new knower who remembers totality while maintaining all the layers. This is not just a feeling or abstract knowing, but is so tangible that even when walking I can hear and see the interconnected structural thickness of my own unified consciousness.
As my understanding woke-up, the experience, which has knowledge as its structure, became real and practical. This totality, this Absolute space, ‘my space,’ is so subtle and also so obvious that it is certainly not just space. Neither relative nor Absolute, this lively effulgence, this all-encompassing structure contains or defines the Absolute as part and parcel of my own awareness. I experience a body because the body is whole, I move because movement is whole, I think because thinking is whole. When I move, this is when I experience the unbounded as movement. A heaven within heaven, right here, right now in my heart. I say heaven within heaven because I can always locate this heaven as if localized within me, in my heart, in my body; yet when I look closer the boundaries of my heart and body extend all the way to comprise and enliven wholeness itself, the heaven of all heavens. My memory of wholeness is so whole that all memories partake of this one supreme memory that has always been there.
Anything that I know reveals the whole range of knowing; anything I do reveals the whole rang of doing. I feel and see a sublime space throughout my mind and body and all around, but a space that is far subtler than ordinary space, both infinitely empty and infinitely full. Alive in knowing, I am able to know and be both. This space manages to be infinitely knowledgeable, infinitely blissful, and infinitely physical -- altogether infinitely me.
Pure joy isn’t there only because I have wonderful thoughts or wonderful sights; it’s there because within these experiences I appreciate the reflected, unified knowledge and glory of infinity, my own self-awake eternal abstraction spilling its totality into smaller and smaller and larger and larger aspects of myself. Also, the joy isn’t there because I only experience the transcendent; but it’s the togetherness and sublime beauty of all the layers that inspires this joy. This ongoing dynamic of great contraction and great expansion together has created a situation of such unflickering stability and awakened knowledge that this experience simply cannot be disturbed.
My experience is like looking at a wonderful landscape that goes on and on, and that I can describe and appreciate in great detail while my senses are simply delivering the information. I can describe the landscape of the Absolute in this same simple way. I am the same Absolute experiencer in the individual and the universe who is doing the knowing, looking, enjoying, and processing with the full range of my heart, mind, and senses. The landscape of the Absolute is awash with the heaven of my own awareness, my own bliss. I live and breathe in the landscape of the Absolute, an environment of total knowledge, in which even differences are acknowledged and loved for the unity and wholeness they create and are.
The greater my mental or physical activity, the greater my recognition of the wholeness, the knowledge, and the bliss. The higher the self-aware wave rises, the more it can hold of the transcendent in the wave of my consciousness. The opposite is also true: the greater my silence, the more activity is included in that silence. All sides of my experience have moved together and expanded to a fuller dignity of understanding, a fuller range, in which even the smallest of experiences are recognized as a part that represents the wholeness of my existence, everyone’s experience.
Whether I am sitting perfectly still meditating, or I am sitting in front of a computer doing art, in both cases, the movements of my mind or the movements of my hand both happen on a screen of self-awareness, so intimate that I see and feel my whole body silently moving, partaking in the joy of wholeness.

The Intimate Absolute

Absolutely undifferentiated silence has emerged as Absolute wholeness, which contains unbounded silence along with a supreme liveliness that I experience as a tangible knowing. I find the Absolute in my heart, my mind and my body like the first unexpressed birth of a fabulous story that I know has already unfolded and that I am in the process of fully experiencing.
Nothing seems transcendental, even Absolute silence; the whole heavenly fabric of the Absolute is in my heart, making it ring with a joy that I constantly hear, making it a breathing reality of my life. My heart, my mind and my body hold within their physical and infinite scope all the wonders of the Absolute moving within itself, within myself. My consciousness has a perceivable thickness, which is the structure of my own awareness; this knowledge is known and seen as the shape of my body, the shape of the environment, the shape of the universe, and the shape of the gods and of God -- altogether a wonderful hierarchy of unified wholeness.
I see heavenly personified beings of nature communicating and moving in complete harmony throughout creation, throughout my consciousness. This experience and the knowledge within this experience have exploded in clarity during the period of the pundits arriving in Fairfield. This cosmic existence moves and is felt, seen, and known within my body. I experience this as a kind of knowledgeable hearing that knows itself as Absolute knowledge, while functioning as ordinary hearing as well. I can literally see this absolute knowledge with my eyes, an inner eye that mirrors the Absolute as sight. This silent core of Absolute stillness is structuring my own awareness. All potentialities, all sounds, all forms are acknowledged as Absolutes within my own mental and physical activities. The unknowable, inscrutable Absolute, the unknowable inscrutable relative have found a knowable, perceivable heaven, a knowable home and a knowable unity in me. These layers of my awareness do not lose their Absolute source, their Absolute structures or their Absolute forms; they are all stitched together with strings of self-knowledge on a fabric of my own infinite structure.
I see myself centered in Absolute space, as a swirling cosmic energy and light that, within itself/ myself, recognizes innumerable points that comprise this unbounded field of energy and potential. All of this energy and knowledge is perceived within my whole body and in localized areas of my body. It is all wonderfully joyous, yet it has a very specific structure that I recognize. I see myself as the central point of energy around which, omni-directionally, an unbounded field of points of knowledge has emerged and, all together, they animate my consciousness within a wave function of togetherness -- one within the other all the way to the center, all the way out, all as Absolutes, all in the dynamics of the Absolute.
If I put my attention on any part of my body, say my hand for instance, I recognize it as consciousness itself and as connected to a field of Absolute understanding, Absolute bliss. When I move my hand, the knowledge and bliss intensify dramatically. Huge waves are set up; a synchronous vibratory connectedness between my hand, its movement, and pure unboundedness ensues. This is just my hand; I experience my whole body in the same way, holistically, in parts and in functions. Fortunately, an all-pervasive unbounded knowingness automatically keeps everything practical and in balance. I can’t separate any aspect of my body, mind, or senses from this dynamic yet unchanging wholeness, this unbounded knowledge.
I see clearly, in great detail, how my body is consciousness vibrating throughout earthly, cosmic, and Absolute space. All this space has developed an Absolute scale in which even the Absolute appears to be in me, not the other way round. Yet, always there is this point, this center to my experience, this Absolute point or Absolute God to which I am tethered. I feel and see an intimate universal mirrorness that reflects the whole Absolute. And this reflection has a changing and an infinite structure, both of which make up a wholeness that is eternal. In this way my experience of absolute stillness manages to be known by absolute liveliness, and absolute liveliness manages to be known by absolute stillness, one within the other, one as the other.

The Real Heaven

I experience pure unbounded stillness that is pervasively whole, a knowledge so crystalline and tangible that even my senses are awake within this experience. Like a supreme deep waveless ocean, no ripple disturbs its pristine tranquility. Yet the tiniest ripple is obvious. Utterly still, I am aware of all movements of that stillness as pure perceptions of my own awareness. I am simultaneously aware of my body and my universal existence as this unbounded field of consciousness that also finds its center in my physical body. I am no more active with eyes closed or eyes open; also I am no more still with eyes closed or open. When I observe this stillness, I can locate a vast central intelligence and energy that stirs this field without any disturbance whatsoever. I can locate an infinite field of unbounded bliss that is so supreme that the bliss, the unboundedness, my heart, senses, body and environment are all known and seen as my own awareness in an ocean of totality.
I experience this absolute central source both within my body and within the universe as a whole. Somehow both together, pure abstraction and its own concentrated point and points, are the dynamics that are my expressed and unexpressed potentialities. This primordial essence, where every thing is sourced, is the size of my heart and the size of infinity as well, a wonderful heaven together both in and out. No movement, no activity is ever outside the scope of this heaven of awareness. This sense of absoluteness is so tangible that nothing escapes its pervasive fullness. The Absolute is so full of its self that moving through it, either mentally or physically, I know and see this movement as completely within my own consciousness. I feel like I am effortlessly, wonderfully plowing through my own Absolute self, my own Absolute heaven.
I know the Absolute and its own expressions as an absolute continuum of my own awareness. Within this wonderful abstraction are the infinite stirrings that altogether create the oneness of my existence. I can hear a perfectly orchestrated hum or vibration that I experience as pure knowledge, pure knowledge because it’s the knowledge and infinite details of my own reality. My body’s reaction to this pure vibrating knowledge is a quiet all encompassing bliss. This bliss has a divine aspect where I see a heavenly domain fully expressed in my heart and all around me.
My heart’s reaction to this experience is pure love, unbounded love for creation. Whatever or whereever my eyes fall is felt as a concentrated point of love in an ocean of abstract love. Together they are one totality of love. My mind’s experience is one of total knowingness that floats on the waves of this bliss and love, knowing even the waves as whole.
I see an unmanifest and manifest God in me and outside me simultaneously. God is in me as the totality of my consciousness, as the wholeness of knowledge and joy. And I see God outside me in His glorious form and forms. This togetherness of God inside and outside is the wonder of my life. What I see inside is no less outside, and what I see outside is no less inside. My wholeness is defined and expressed by the love and unity of all the constituent parts and layers of my experience. Altogether my experience is very, very simple because everything, every layer is transparent to itself, to myself, and appears known and fully real on a bed of awareness that permeates but in no way hides anything what so ever.
Ever all the same, ever all different, but all together experienced on an all-inclusive bed of supreme oneness. Every changing experience, however grand, whether Absolute, divine, or relative, is suffused by and tied to every other experience by a very tangible unchanging field of my very own self-aware knowledge.

The Awakening Senses

The Absolute in knowing itself is known as Absolute wholeness. The Absolute awake to itself is my experience of “I am that.” As my understanding became clearer, this knowledge maintained its absoluteness. The experience of the Absolute remained Absolute within a wider range of understanding itself. Now, in this more concrete experience, I understood knowledge itself to be Absolute. As this clearer, more expressed experience of the Absolute and its own movement as knowledge then began to be heard, this hearing remained Absolute. The emptiness of Absolute abstraction started to get full. My thoughts themselves, within understanding, remembered their absoluteness. As I began to hear my thoughts, the layers of my Absolute self became known as hearing.
The sense of hearing became clearer and clearer, and I began to see the knowledge aspect of my thoughts. I began to hear and see thoughts, or the liveliness of the Absolute as knowing, knowledge, sound and form. Altogether and independently as Absolute. My whole experience began to have a tangible integrated structure that I could appreciate with my senses all together. This altogether aspect of my experience began to involve my whole body. The Absolute remained Absolute and began to be known as my whole body. As the knowledge, relationships and perceptions became more and more obvious my personality, the very individuality of my existence, began to be involved. My individuality, composed of all the layers of my existence, began first to be intuited, and then to be perceived as definitions of the Absolute. The Absolute remained Absolute even as it moved or was acknowledged in its fullness in all aspects of my life. Always remaining totally small, I became cosmic.
Now with knowingness, knowledge, thoughts, senses and body all experienced as unified aspects of totality, I began to know and see my outside environment connected to and functioning in the same manner. Now no aspect of my awareness ever leaves its Absolute source. Even the process of experience and the objects of experience are known and seen as specificities of my Absolute consciousness. This experience of absoluteness began to be known on a grander and grander scale, where the whole universe began to be known as an aspect of my own awareness, first abstractly and then with my senses. Then layer after layer of perceptual knowledge began unfolding faster and faster, huge spiraling universal unfoldings and collapses, every experience becoming whole at the instant of experience, until I knew my self, my body, my senses, the universe, everything as one united eternal continuum of an individual and cosmic self. All expansion stopped.
This did not last long. Again first abstractly, then more concretely I began to experience, at the source of creation, a personified totality. This experience woke up my senses even more. Gradually the Absolute has become more and more personified. This absolutely sublime personification is far greater than the Absolute or relative alone. In this wonderful uniting of the Absolute in the relative and the relative in the Absolute neither is lost. Now in this totality I have found my center, my individual self, shining, universally whole eternally alive. And within this absolute knowingness is the knowledge and sight of everyone’s divinity, every one’s absoluteness. A living heaven in my heart, in my body, and in my environment near and far.

Luminous Self-awareness

I experience an underlying self-luminous stillness, which I know and perceive to be all-pervasive, utterly quiet, wonderfully uninvolved, yet experienced as all of who I am. I know, hear and see an all-permeating, infinitely still liveliness animating and revealing every level of my experience. Every aspect of my existence finds its source there. My understanding is structured and sourced in this all-encompassing knowingness, this organized intelligence. I can hear this silent source vibrating, literally humming into intelligent sound. A wonderful all-inclusive, sounding intelligence that is within itself is awake, a luminous self-actualizing emergence. It is a completely crystal clear awareness that is so lively in its connectedness that I can actually hear and see myself. This structured integrity of my own awareness is always present and abstractly all knowing. My senses are active and intimate within these streams of self-knowing. Inside and outside experiences have been transformed into one continuum, where even the senses are uninterruptedly whole from within their source to their daily duties.
I am aware of this process as a convergence or momentary collapse of an abstract totality that re-emerges as knowledge. This experience is constant and is the center of my self-knowing and permeates and unites all levels of my awareness with an intimacy of my relationship with the ultimate creator. The orderly nature of this lively field of self- knowledge has a subtle physical structure. My body, senses and environment are very much part of this experience. I see my body and its relationship with the environment as spiraling fields of light and strings of vibrating innumerable points of golden and colored light and energy; it is extremely exquisite. I see my body as a spontaneously organized and defined specificity within an ocean of sublime consciousness. My awareness and body are seen and known as one continuous balanced togetherness of tangible knowledge and motion.
The totality of my knowingness, feelings, senses and body all together are connected to my physical and universal environment through an awareness, a structural physicality that pervades my mind and body and that extends all the way to infinite abstraction. I see the pre-form level of my own awareness as a web of intuiting, vibrating conscious structure that is absolutely full of great joy, orderliness and balance. It is a cosmic field of intelligence that sounds into specific forms of creation through the instrumentality and attention of my awareness.
I am so intimately aware of this continuum that there is no space or difference between my knowing or, perceiving and physical activity. My hearing is my sense of knowledge through which I appreciate the specificities of my individual and cosmic existence.
This total range of hearing and sight has revealed a clearly perceived continuum that ranges from absolute silence to a totally pervasive liveliness and knowledge, to the expressed forms of this knowledge -- terrestrial, divine and cosmic. They are all appreciated and contained within a cosmic hierarchy of the personified beings of nature. Altogether one totality.
From within a silent vibrating field of luminous self-awareness, I am this silence and all of my emergent values. My heart is warmed by what I know, hear and see. I hear personified intelligence, I see personified intelligence. I am aware of and participate in a divine social structure of divine beings of nature. We co-habit all of the layers of creation in complete harmony and natural awareness. The fullness and complete divinity of this space is my oneness with God. It lies within a divine social hierarchy that is kept lively by the dynamics of the eternal relationship of God and His creations. The structural intelligence, the very physicality of vibrating knowledge and love that I perceive is a highway or connection between God and me. This solid connection is structured from universal existence and all of its layers known and experienced as one continuum of my individual and cosmic awareness. It feels and is so concretely solid that I feel that I could actually and physically traverse or walk this road to God. It is thick with interweaving layers of knowledge, love and light that literally put me into the presence of God. God’s awareness is reflected in my awareness. I experience within my heart, my mind and my senses, my whole body a phenomenal co-created divine, terrestrial and cosmic hierarchy that is directly, exactly and perceptually related to all levels of my life. All aspects and functions of my body I experience as structurally and physically extending to this personified totality. This relationship unites all emerging events into one continual experience of individual unity.
I see the subtle levels of my body and within this seeing is the knowledge that creates this continuum that is my eternal and infinite existence. I see my body on its finest levels as vibrating spirals and streams of light energy, merging into more manifest levels, flowing, curling into universal space and values. Each level is a mirror of myself, all a super refined, centered mirror of cosmic events and God.
This experience, feeling and knowledge of a total connectedness creates a knowing and physical perception of my mind, body and senses. I experience a convergence of my awareness that centers itself as my unmanifest and manifest awareness together. At this point I realize that the Absolute does not break up and the relative does not emerge, I am both realities together in their fullness. This experience is on a perceptual level, where I see my body as vibrating, spiraling waves, streams and points of consciousness pre-organized into physical matter both near and far. Eternally whole, unchanging reality includes both Absolutes existing as my awareness and body. I am Me here, centered in my heart, reflecting God like a tiny mirror that reflects all of whatever it is pointed towards. I experience innumerable beings of light flowing into a centered heaven that is my heart, a universal space of cosmic and individual dimensions. A huge cosmic cone of energy structured from millions of devas all streaming into my heart the heart of God. I experience this one great creator, the one great God, shining self-effulgent in the center of creation. What a wonderful secret.
The absoluteness and eternal nature of this experience pierces all layers of awareness into one stream of infinite clarity. I experience the Vedic sounds and the Vedic beings as an exquisite, wonderful divine social hierarchy of togetherness extending in a crystal clear and orderly manner all the way to God, all the way to me, where the dynamics of the relationships are appreciated as the emerging universe of all events.